it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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