Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
