He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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