Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need water and some morals
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
