There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
