You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it glows. i had to have it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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