How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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