rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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