Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
