i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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