Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize