What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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