Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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