There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
