White coat. Heels.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
