The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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