She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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