get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
