Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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