Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
