if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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