Your face is a jimmy john
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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