So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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