low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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