it wasn't lemon gatorade
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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