ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
