Pants 0. Shit 1.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I smell like Dick and happiness
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
