My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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