My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
