Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize