I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize