I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
