I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
