1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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