when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
