what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She just used a chaser for red wine.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
