Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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