I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
