Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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