I'm gonna have a badass scar
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
