Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
