so explain again why im purple
no
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
