I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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