Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
