my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
