she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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