If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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