I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
