Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
