..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
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why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
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Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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