I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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