I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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