There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
