Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
