Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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