So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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