Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.