Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.