Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
