singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
