I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
