No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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